Little Girl in a Big City - 30th January

As I type, I am sitting on a brown bean bag bought for me my flatmates mother, with three other girls watching a marathon run of The Hills. I’m in my own flat and I should feel completely comfortable, happy and enjoying the day off from university, but all I want to do is be by myself, get into my onesie and snuggle by a fire (unfortunately I never seem to be able to do any of the above now a days).

I suppose, I would say I’m a bit of a loner, not in a weird way where I hide away from the social world, but I like being in my own company and it’s probably because I’m an only child. I like spending time blogging, going to the library and can get easily annoyed by other people. Maybe I have just been brought up differently to the majority of people around me, but some people’s manners are in my mind appalling, hence why I’d rather be by myself at times. You could say I’m a bit of a geek, a geek who loves fashion that is.

If you looked at my facebook profile you’d think I go out quite a bit, and don’t get me wrong, I do go out, just not every night like many of the students I’m surrounded by. And thanks to the fashion world, I have many opportunities to go to shows and events, which to some people is really cool - completely opposing the ‘geek’ stereotype. But the truth is, half the time I’d rather just be at home and alone. Which brings me onto my thoughts on different groups and ‘being an outsider.’

At school there is always those kids who are completely different to you, the chubby one, the sporty ones, fashionistas, different ‘clicks,’ and in their own way they all seem to be extremely happy. This fascade only continues further on facebook, I don’t understand people who update their status constantly, upload a set of new pictures every other day and seem to be having the time of their lives. They all stay with the same people, wear the same things and act in the same way, but in a way I feel as though there isn’t a pressure when you aren’t in that circle. Are they really happy or just ‘playing the game?’ – an outsider in their own world?  

Jameela Jamil sums up this theory up rather well: “The world is a little like a puzzle, in the respect that we all have our different shapes and sizes, but we also have our own set place which makes up the final picture that is our society. And that’s just it, all puzzle pieces are different – even if you bend, fold and contort a puzzle piece to fit a space for which it is not intended, the final picture will come out wrong anyway, so what’s the point? I heard a great saying when I was younger, which was: ‘Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light.’ The insight and character strength that comes from being a bit different is PRICELESS. I have been every kind of bullied: emotional, physical and racial. I’ve had ‘ugly bitch’ smeared across my school locker in make-up, I’ve had my body battered, I’ve been called ‘fat paki’ [UMM, I GET HER POINT BUT WRONG TO KEEP THIS IN?], I’ve been the only girl in my WHOLE year at school to not get invited to birthday parties. Why? Because I hadn’t kissed anyone yet, because I wouldn’t try coke in the toilets, because I dared to admit that my mum was my best friend, or that I quite liked studying and my favourite music was jazz.”

Just like Jameela I think I’m a bit different, but it should definitely be embraced, look at her – Gorgeous, successful and her own person. She’s one of my muses – who inspires you to be who you are? (oh and I’m still sitting on my bean bag watching The Hills).

Follow me on: Bloglovin, Twitter, Facebook